How I feel

Im sure that if you look back through my previous posts, it would be easy to find something about how difficult I have found it to continue with my yoga and my martial arts. Indeed I went back into therapy because I knew there was a problem, but I couldnt figure out why I was finding it so difficult after my Camino to start these things again.  Its not a new feeling or experience, a lot of my life has been and is interspersed with long periods of inactivity that I find completly frustrating and unfathomable. I know its Adhd, and Bpd. I know that mental health for anyone is a very complex issue.  But I have found as this corvid 19 issue unfolds a lot of what I could not do now seems very easy. I know from therapy that with my Adhd brain , chaos works for me. When the world is happy is when I struggle more, dont get me wrong I prefer a happy peaceful world. But for some reason I find it harder to function. But at this moment, at this time. I can say that I am back practicing my Yoga, its great to be back on the mat. Every day is a journey into remembering what my Yoga teacher Mel taught me, and she taught me so much. Its great to realise what I can do. My martial arts is also going well, I promised Kerry my teacher that I would train. We both knew that eventually the straw would break and I would be training again, and I am.  I wish it hadnt taken this Corvid 19 to get me moving again, but it did. Now I have to find a way to keep it going and in therapy to work out how to switch my chaos into peace so that I can join the rest of the planet.